“I have been pretending to be a man that I am not, my entire life. I have been pretending to be strong when I felt weak, confident when I felt insecure, and tough when I was hurting. I think, for the most part, I’ve just been kind of putting on a show, but I am tired of performing.” -Justin Baldoni
Toxic masculinity refers to cultural pressures on males to act in specific
ways. And this likely impacts all boys and men in some way. Toxic masculinity is a term used to describe undesirable and typically typical male qualities or behaviors. Men are frequently characterized by obsolete and baseless stereotypes that produce an unhealthy and inaccurate idea of what it means to be a male in today's culture, ranging from being unemotional
and power-hungry to egotistical and aggressive. These negative habits and
attitudes are frequently connected with some males, such as the urge to
suppress emotions during difficult situations and to act forcefully
dominantly.
What is Toxic Masculinity
Toxic masculinity is more than just acting like a man. Instead, it refers to the overwhelming pressure that certain men may feel to behave destructively. There are several definitions of "toxic masculinity" that emerge in both science and popular culture.
Toxic masculinity, according to
some studies, comprises three main components:
● Toughness: The idea that males should be physically powerful,
emotionally insensitive, and hostile in their actions.
● Antifeminity: The belief that men should reject everything considered
feminine, such as expressing emotion or seeking aid.
● Power: This is the belief that men must strive for power and prestige
(both social and financial) to acquire the respect of others (Thompson
& Pleck, 1986).
“Manhood or masculinity alone is not the source of violence,”says Gary Baker, President, and CEO of Promundo, a global pioneer in addressing the negative effects of destructive masculinity on the lives
of women, children, and men. “How we socialize boys to become men, though, is a factor.”
Attributes that are associated
Toxic masculinity includes traits such as mental and physical toughness,
violence, stoicism, and not exhibiting emotion, heterosexism, or prejudice
against non-heterosexual self-sufficiency, insensitivity to emotions.
Toxic masculinity is most commonly found in men and males who identify as
macho, though anybody may maintain it. Toxic masculinity promotes undesirable behaviors. It's the idea that men should operate their bodies like machines, skimping on sleep, working out even when they're wounded, and pushing themselves physically to their limits. Toxic masculinity
inhibits men from seeking medical attention, in contrast to pushing them
physically.
Shame Associated with Mental Health
Men are often discouraged from seeking mental health care as a result of
toxic masculinity. Depression, anxiety, drug abuse, and mental health difficulties may be perceived as signs of weakness. For example, when a young boy grows older after collecting the negativity displayed by others, he is likely to raise his children, particularly boys, in the same manner. Society mandates that males be socialized to think that confidence, strength,
success, and composure are the key qualities of being a man and that
anything “emotional” is girlie or womanly and should thus be suppressed
and disregarded.
As a result, symptoms of depression in males frequently develop differently than they do in women.
Men who are depressed may exhibit the following signs and symptoms:
● Eating Disorders
● Erectile Dysfunction
● Tiredness
● Feeling sad or unhappy on the inside yet displaying wrath and
hostility to look manly
● Unable to carry out everyday tasks
● Irritation
● Lack of attention
● Lack of interest at the job and in family
● Sleep deprivation
● Self-medicating with illegal substances and Suicidal ideation
Men are reared in a system that values conventional masculinity and has
complex views about their own emotions. They frequently try to turn them
off or avoid them entirely.
This, I believe, is why males are more inclined than women to utilize outward means to cope with the interior turmoil and
agony created by depression. Overworking is a common way for men to cope
with depression. They also self-medicate by using substances such as drugs
and alcohol to cope with despair and anxiety.
Dealing with it
There is no single solution to the problem of toxic masculinity. This necessitates cultural reforms in various areas, including gender norms and the stigma associated with mental health.
● Initiate uncomfortable conversations. - Talk with your friends, particularly those who have gender identities and expressions that differ from yours about how you manage difficult circumstances or
your prejudices toward masculinity. Make an effort not to become defensive, and pay close attention to how your actions have affected others. You could be astonished to learn that some things you did or
said did not come across as you planned. Justin Baldoni, an American
actor, director, and filmmaker is questioning this notion by asking himself and other guys what it truly means to "be a man." Justin boldly tackles the notions imposed upon him as a youngster and how
those views have affected his life in a TED Talk titled, "Why I'm Done Trying to Be Man Enough." “While my father may not have taught me how to use my hands, he did teach me how to use my heart, and to me,
that makes him more a man than anything else,” Justin said of his father. It is not too much to expect that we all be treated with respect and dignity, and this starts with a willingness to allow for growth and
vulnerability.
Watch the Video here:
● Reaching out for support: Trying to undo toxic masculinity as a man or a person who identifies as masculine is being true to
yourself rather than some idealized version of the person you ought to be. Finding your actual self is a time-consuming process. A therapist can guide you through this process and assist you in changing problematic thought habits. Reach out to
someone if you believe you are suffering from the harmful impacts of toxic masculinity. A mental health expert can assist you in recognizing how it is influencing your life and assisting
you in breaking free from harmful habits that may be holding you locked. The more individuals who understand toxic
masculinity and seek assistance for it, the more probable it is that we will see larger-scale improvements as society places
less pressure on males to act a certain way.
Remember that it’s okay to show emotions. It only means that you’re
human. You don’t always have to man up. We are humans in the end and it’s
okay to speak up about emotions the same way you speak about your
ambitions. It's okay to not be silent. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel
this way. There is a quote I love and makes feel more human, says - “Yes, I
am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t
change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging”- Brené Brown
Videos I recommend you should watch :
● https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpA0J62LMB0 - Gentleman kise
kehte hai?
● https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccin6oZfTyI&t=619s -Do All Men
Think The Same? (feat. NFL Player Kyle Long)
● https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koPmuEyP3a0 - We Believe: The
Best Men Can Be
References:
● E.H. Thompson, J.H. Pleck. The structure of male role norms.
American Behavioral Scientist. 1986; 29: 531-543. doi.org/
10.1177/000276486029005003
●https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-masculinity#takeaw
ay
● https://www.psycom.net/depression-in-men/depression-in-
men-toxic-masculinity/
- Aashna Parikh