When a disease knocks at your door, does it ask you your gender? Strange, is it? Why am I asking such a rhetorical question? Well, the same society once told me that it does not ask your gender, and that it can happen to anyone. Such is the irony of the society we live in. When a man starts complaining about something or when he is stressed and needs therapy, people look at him with their eyes wide open. And what do they say? They say “Stop behaving like a girl”. This is exactly what impacts his mind and makes him feel like he is forbidden to share his feelings. And as the time passes, he naturally develops an inability to express what’s within him which not only impacts his life but also the life of the other people associated with him.
As per research, the number of men who suffer from mental health issues is greater than the number of women who suffer from the same. The risk of suicide is higher among men than that among women and depression and anxiety are the leading causes of men dying every year. Although the word stigma is usually associated with minority groups and women to be precise, the concept also exists among the opposite gender and has clearly been affecting them. Needless to say, men find it difficult to open up and share their feelings.
Let us see why it is so? Why does it have a negative impact? And what can we do to improve this situation?
From a very young age boys are raised very differently. They are taught that they are strong and there is no place for weakness in a world where the competition for survival is so hard. They are often expected to be the bread earners in the family, be dominant and authoritative. While all these might not be a problem but these expectations and the built in picture of how men should be, definitely make it tough for them to open up and reach out for help. There are also instances where men do not want to admit that they might have a mental disorder and that they might need help because then that will make them look vulnerable and the society wouldn’t accept them in the same way as they did earlier. As a result they lead a life of denial. The pressure to be a man is indeed no less burdening. But not being able to acknowledge our own feelings might come with repercussions. These might not be visible initially but are like slow poison.
There are multiple and innumerable effects that men might face in such cases. When someone is unable to express what or how they feel, they are more likely to feel irritated and angry. Similar is the case with men. And when such behavior becomes common in them, it starts impacting their work, relationships and their life. They are likely to become detached, and prone to sudden outbursts. At some point, they might also start developing extreme suicidal thoughts. On the other hand, they are also more susceptible to resort to drug usage and binge on alcohol to reduce the mental agony that they might be facing which in turn is likely to worsen their physical health. This can also exacerbate their mental health and leave them hanging by a thread. Not being able to come out as vulnerable does not make them stronger and they are left churning themselves in this wheel of stigma that eventually can have detrimental effects.
Mental health issues shall not be avoided at any cost for they might be dangerous in the long run. Not being able to express oneself should be the last resort if nothing. It’s almost like wearing a mask to hide the reality. But why do so? Wouldn’t it be easier and better to lift this mask off for your own mental peace?
How can we intervene to help in such situations? It is very important to spread awareness about mental health issues and give a proper health education. It is important to help men change the idea of receiving support from “a mark of weakness” to a necessary step in keeping one aspect of health as important as any other. It would be extremely beneficial if we try to give up the age-old traditional practice when raising children, and not overburden them with uncertain expectations and unreasonable pressures. Mental health education will not only make men aware, but also the people around them to be able to help them and not encourage them to suppress their feelings. Maintaining a healthy work life balance and spending enough quality time with family and friends can make one happy and strengthen their bond with each other. This bond will allow them to seek help if a necessity arrives. Also men who have had similar experiences can help other fellow colleagues at work or in their surroundings by talking to them and making them feel that they are not alone. Little volunteering will make both the parties feel at ease about their mental health.
Reaching out for help should be the first thought that shall come to mind and not any other if the symptoms are extreme. This can only be achieved if there is a healthy environment and a safe space. It is absolutely fine if men do not want to feel the way in which society expects them to. We all need to disrupt this stigma. To achieve this, we will need to stop painting that picture of men which fits the anachronistic rules dictated by society. It’s the 21st century and a new world with new ideas and new generations. At last I would love to quote a line from the not so famous TV series, “UnTag”. It says “We all know how to fly, we all have wings but the weight of the tags is so heavy that we forget how to fly. Boys don’t cry, Girls cook, artists are hungry, gay men promiscuous and successful people calculative. Such tags prevent us from being the best version of ourselves and without these tags we are all beautiful”. So let us remove these unnecessary tags and learn how to fly again.
- Jahnvi Bedia