Emotions happen to be an integral part of every human being, irrespective of the gender they identify with, that makes them unique in their way. Much of these emotions are a result of the shaping of our behaviors. Our environment and experiences play a huge role in shaping the behaviors, learning new ones, and finally manifesting a mixture of both the hereditary and environmental aspects in the emotions we express.
Why is there a gender difference in expressing emotions?
Biological factors that predispose our behaviors may be in the form of genetic differences (male or female at birth), and hormonal differences (androgens and estrogen) as suggested by Biological Theorists.
The experiences we gain through social interactions, learning new behaviors from our surroundings, and modeling those behaviors that fit in with the gender roles we are assigned extensively shape our behaviors and emotional regulation. An interesting study by Chaplin, Cole, and Zahn-Waxler (2005), that examined gender differences in children's submissive and disharmonious emotions and parental attention to these emotions, and found that fathers showed greater accidental responses to a girl’s sadness and anxiety than boys, and also greater accidental responses to a boy’s anger and disharmonious emotional expression.
Biological and socialization theories also state that girls start with biologically based lower arousal and better emotion vocabulary and they are socialized over time to enhance expression of emotion and, in particular, socialized to adopt the female gender role to express more “relational” positive emotions; while infants boys have higher activity and arousal levels, and lower inhibitory control than girls. Socialization agents would encourage anger in boys to be consistent with gender roles for greater acceptance of externalizing emotion expressions in boys than girls.
All these theories put together are explanations of why boys are not barer and out with their emotions, while girls have not many problems in expressing their emotions freely to others.
How can we stop this cycle?
Normalize feelings - Feeling like sadness, anxiousness, fear, etc need to be normalized for men by providing them a safe space to feel those feelings, not judging them for having those feelings, and allowing them to regain the mental strength by giving them the space to vent.
Cultivate empathy – Empathy is taking the perspective of others in understanding their situation, their emotions but from a distance. It involves acknowledging the other person's experience as valid even if we have not experienced the same. This not only gives others the opportunity to be heard but also helps in cultivating a flexible approach to life experiences.
Seeking emotional support from others irrespective of their gender
Feeling chart – A feeling chart is a chart documenting what one feels at a particular moment in a day. It involves appraising situations based on the emotions that they felt and keeping a record of them to understand one’s emotional journey better. This helps one in commencing their pursuit of healing.
This way one can acknowledge their feelings at a particular point in time, seek support when needed, and validation from themselves and others around them helps in healing. This comes more naturally to girls due to their gender roles defined by society but is also definitely needed for men to lead a mentally healthy life.
- Shivangi Banerjee