Do you remember the day when you left home to start a new life as a student or a professional perhaps, in a new city with new people and with an absolutely clean slate to narrate your own story? Take two minutes and recall those days? What were they like?
For some people the thought of a new life, new friends, and a new place is extraordinarily appealing. And why shouldn’t it be? One has all the reasons to be ebullient. After all, who doesn’t like a new beginning, a chance to actually be who you want to be! A second chance to live!
As for me, things were a little hazy. I remember my first day in a new city. Spent the last night with my mom who had to rush at 5.30 in the morning to catch the train and finally say goodbye to me. I went to drop her off, and couldn't miss the last opportunity to be with her. As she stood there with her luggage, she gave me a hug and turned to walk away from me. Waved her hand to a final goodbye and there I was standing alone all of a sudden. I was so sleepy, I just went back to my place where I was staying as a paying guest and dozed off. The next thing I remember, I woke up and realized that I was all by myself in a new house with new roommates and new everything. I was scared to death. Didn’t know how the college was going to be, who I was going to meet and how my first day was going to be. The pain just killed me.
Do you want to know what happened further? I felt extremely homesick. I missed my family, my room and most of all the feeling of security that I had within my friends and parents. So much so that I learnt to sleep on time because I knew there was no one to tell me. And this entire feeling went on for two long years. Any chance I got to go back to my home, I wouldn’t hesitate a bit, pack my stuff and rush.
Let’s just say my college life didn’t start on a very exciting and positive note. The kind of pain I felt was as if my heart would burst open. I couldn’t talk to anybody about it. I myself couldn’t understand what I felt and why I felt like this. I had never stayed away from my family ever and this first time was a disaster.
I did make friends. But they were very few because I preferred it that way. The pain stopped me from making rational decisions. I realized this the hard way. Every weekend was a chance for me to go back home and because of which I missed on an ample number of opportunities that came my way. It was as if I didn’t care about them at all. Studies weren’t my priority anymore because they seemed easier than the state I was in. Some people understood what I felt like. I was very lucky enough to find a friend who stuck with me till the end and she was there for me when no one else was.
Turns out, this was just a phase and nothing else. I was blessed. But such events can have severe effects and this is why homesickness is not just a normal deal if it gets prolonged.
Let’s start by understanding what exactly homesickness feels like. It is a feeling of emotional distress mostly when someone is away from their home or in an unfamiliar milieu. It is a grief that comes with the loss of feeling of belongingness. It’s a feeling of longing for the same comfort and security you once had. Almost everyone experiences this once in a lifetime when they are trying to settle down in a new environment.
While there are people who easily overcome such a feeling but on the other hand, there are others who might feel severely.
But what causes one to develop such feelings?
Change in lifestyle – There might be a situation where you feel like your lifestyle has been disrupted due to the change in your surroundings. This is probably because you were too dependent on someone or something which gave you a feeling of security. Loss of such dependency might make you feel homesick.
Difficulty in adapting to a new environment – You might feel unsafe and difficult to adapt to a new environment because of your past issues or habits. Such feelings avoid you to embrace new changes with an open heart and force you to remain secluded.
Feeling like an outsider – There might be instances when someone moves out to a place with a different culture. Or when someone is trying to be a part of a group but cannot due to a lack of that feeling of belongingness.
Trouble in making friends – People who are shy, reticent and have trouble making friends can also feel homesick. When in a new place, being lonely will automatically trigger such feelings because there might be nothing to keep you bonded to that place.
While it’s normal to feel nostalgic like this. But it can turn on to become overwhelming, extremely painful, hinder your growth and can have everlasting effects. Severe homesickness can cause a person to have depression, insomnia, and loss of appetite, interest and concentration. Apart from these, it can trigger severe depression, a feeling of constant sadness which can also make one withdraw themself from their social environment. It can cause anxiety, fear of loss which have long lasting effects on the mind. It can also develop cherophobia, a feeling of aversion from happiness. Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem can also be an after effect. It can bring a lot of negative feelings within you. Mental peace can just be a distant dream in such situations.
But how can we overcome such challenges to focus better on our lives?
It’s easy! Talk about it! Talking to someone lets you acknowledge your feelings and allows you to let it all out. Call up a friend, talk to them about life, about yourself, and laugh a little with them. Tell yourself that these changes are temporary and that is how changes happen and life is nothing but all about change. Take time to make connections with your new environment. Visit new places; learn about its history and culture. Or spend some time developing your hobby, join a new class perhaps. You might as well want to decorate your room to feel comfortable and at home. Stay engaged in activities that interest you or learn new skills. When you do an activity, it will not only keep you engaged but also give you a sense of accomplishment, something you will like when things are a little rough. Volunteer at a community; make more friends, one day at a time.
Share your feelings with the people around you, you never know they might be feeling the same way and you might end up making a new friend. Read a book or exert yourself physically by working out. Amidst all these you should absolutely avoid bottling up inside and let the time take its new course.
Lastly, I would like to mention here that if you are courageous enough to step in a new environment all alone, you are courageous enough to deal with every obstacle that comes your way. Stepping up for yourself and inviting changes are undoubtedly difficult, but it also means that you are on the right path towards growth. Every journey you step on will have its highs and lows but it will be emotionally enriching and worth a shot. You just have to be open to pushing your limits and learning new deals. I can say this because I did learn a lot. You may have a rocky start but the end is definitely going to be beautiful.
- Jahnvi Bedia