So first we need to understand what depression is, "it is a constant feeling of sadness and loss of interest, which stops you from doing your normal activities." Different types exist, with symptoms ranging from relatively minor to severe. Generally, depression does not result from a single event, but a mix of events and factors. There can be a lot of reasons for depression to occur including faulty mood regulation by the brain, genetic vulnerability, stressful life events, medications, and medical problems.
What to do if your friend is depressed:
Don’t try to be their therapist instead be their friend. Don’t be afraid that if you are talking to a depressed person you are somehow responsible for their well-being. Just be friendly and listen to them and try providing them with resources. It is important to take professional help so try finding a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist for them. Don’t make them feel that you are going to help them, tell them that you’ll be there to support them while they help themselves.
When you are talking to them talk in your natural voice, they are depressed not you. Remember you don’t sneeze when you talk to a person suffering from a cold. Clearly state what you can do and what you can not do. Don’t make false promises. It’s better to make no offer than to bring about a false one.
Interact about normal stuff. Invite them to contribute to your life. It doesn't have to be anything major but just normal things like; What should I wear today, do you think this picture looks good, dow should I arrange my wardrobe, dow did you make that dish, etc.
People with depression have distorted thinking. That means they tend to find or think of negative things. So if they might not acknowledge you, you need to know that what you are doing is right. Don’t take their negative responses personally. Depression doesn’t diminish a person's desire to connect with people but just their ability.
One of the most harmful symptoms of depression is the intense feelings of worthlessness and suicidal thinking. ( I am weak/ I am useless/everyone will be better without me). They may be feeling terrible about themselves, remember to remind them that they matter to you. They might feel that they are unwanted or that they are trouble for you. Don’t make them feel like a bad person for being depressed.
Things you should not say to a depressed person and why :
"Everyone has a bad day"
– You don’t know how many days have been since they are feeling this way. Depression doesn’t develop in a day and won’t go in a day.
"It will get better on its own"
- It would only worsen on its own. You should encourage them to take professional help. The sooner you get the help the better it would be.
"I understand what you are going through" – You might be trying to be empathetic but you don’t know what’s going on with the person. So tell them the truth that you don’t know what the person is feeling but you are still there for them nonetheless.
"You just need to snap out of it/ You are not trying hard enough / Cheer up"
– If they could they would. No one likes or wants to be depressed. Everyone wants to be happy.
"Think about all the good memories"
– This might just help but depressed people have distorted thoughts which means that they tend to see the negative in things and just thinking positive won’t help that thought process. These thought processes change after medication and therapy.
NOTE: It is a really good thing that you are willing to help your friend. But you need to remember that you are not a therapist and professional help is necessary. Help them find resources. They need support, not sympathy. Make them feel that they are accepted as they are and are not broken or different. With professional help and your support, they can win.
- Navnidhi Sharma